Deck Plans

"We've got to have a deck plan," Tim snarled. He was frustrated with James's insistence on "just winging it".

Tim had been a deck planner from way back. While others - James in particular - were diving in and building decks with no plan whatsoever, Tim was sequestered in his room, drafting deck plans and shopping for supplies. Sure, Tim had a drinking problem. But he could plan decks better drunk than most men could sober.

James on the other hand couldn't draft a deck plan to save his life. He was in the habit of just building from whatever materials were handy, with no deck plan to be found anywhere. Frequently, his customers would come home to find that James had built their deck out of their back yard fence or swing set. On more than one occasion, the railings were made of dog.

Tim couldn't stand this style of deck planning. Tim preferred to order real materials such as wood, bolts and screws. On occasion, he'd even stain his finished products and proudly proclaim, "See what a good deck plan can accomplish!"

When it came to planning decks, Tim had no time for short cuts. To him, the thought of falling back on the old standby - the inflatable deck - was inconceivable. How tacky they were, those inflatable decks. "In England," Tim said, "inflatable decks are strictly for the lower classes. You can bet that when Her Majesty has a deck built, she doesn't want an inflatable. She wants a real deck made of real materials and from a real deck plans."

Tim was right. The Queen is in fact opposed to inflatable decks, even those with Corgi prints.